…I assume that if people hear this, Cecil got it safetly and I’m still okay. I’ll try to make as many of these recordings as I can. But…I need to really ramble. So much space…I need to use it, or else I fear the words I haven’t spoken yet will hurt me.
Okay. I’m, uh, I’m at Marcos’s place, but everyone suspected that already. I am…safe. As safe as I can get with him though. No one can come break me out. No one, I mean it. No knights in shining tin foil. I’ve been listening to Cecil’s show and he agreed to help me out and help me tell everyone what is going on. But not too many people will really care, I fear. My words aren’t too important—(audible sighing and rustling)
Anyways. I have my phone, but it’s weird. It notifies me of texts but I cannot read them. I saw snippets…Is Will okay? Ah, wait, no one can really answer that. Nevermind.
I think that maybe I can talk about people one at a time for each space…or tell a slow story? I don’t know what to do. I’m not used to really making big plans like this. I haven’t done it in so long and the drugs are impairing my ability to..to..!
(increased breathing, slight hysteria) I miss everyone! I don’t want to be like this anymore! I miss my Bec! I want to go home…
(quiet for a few moments)
…Marcos hasn’t really hurt me. Not since Skylar made him strangle me. I think only the worst was when he socked me in the stomach for being stupid. But it was so long ago it was like it never happened. He’s affectionate, I think he loves me, but he still pines after Skylar. And I can tell, and it’s hurting me. I don’t think I’m making it up. I would ask him, but I don’t think he would like it, so I won’t.
He has taken to calling me his doll, so I have become more doll-like. My dresses are frilled, my shoes are cute and I wear pristine makeup. It all feels so fake and so not me that I want to break it. But I can’t, it has become a part of me. I…(silence, but she’s breathing audibly. Deep breaths.)
Pardon me. I feel so confused about myself. It’s…it’s too much, I think. But what do I know?
I want to go home. I want to hug Stevie tightly and make Cecil his coffee and fight with Eli.
I want to have dinner with Leonard again and cuddle puddle with Lori and Steve and talk with Phoenix.
I want to be able to forgive Skylar and hug Collie and Dana and be there for my baby.
I want…and I cannot recieve.
Good night, Night Vale. Good bye.